


Advanced Human Sexuality

by tr0y



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional, F/M, Kissing, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Slash, Reunions, abed fucks, side abed/annie, side abed/britta, side abed/jeff, side abed/shirley, side britta/annie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:21:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28781913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tr0y/pseuds/tr0y
Summary: 5 people Abed fucks and 1 person he doesn't
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 9
Kudos: 101





	Advanced Human Sexuality

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, y'all!
> 
> Just wanted to make it known that Abed fucks. Carry on.
> 
> CW // Meltdown, Pre-slash, Brief Mentions of Alcohol
> 
> There are no depictions of /actual/ sex, just making out and stuff beforehand.

0.

Just because Abed sometimes wasn’t the greatest at making and keeping friends doesn’t mean that Abed hasn’t taken part in his fair share of sexual intercourse. 

People tend to underestimate him. They think it would be impossible for him to ever get a girlfriend. Of course, he would then tell them that he would be just as happy with a boyfriend, but that doesn’t seem to give people any more faith in him.

Although to be completely fair, he _hasn’t_ had much experience in the “actually dating someone” department. That requires a long-term commitment, and there haven’t been many people that wanted that with him. That’s why he knows that he’s never going to get married or have kids.

Where he _does_ excel is in the casual hook-ups and one night stands.

Abed knows he’s hot. He’s got sculpted abs that surprise most people he meets, and he’s tall, which a lot of girls (and some guys) are attracted to. When people come up to him at parties or dances with that sultry twinkle in their eye, he knows exactly why, and he knows exactly how to help them out.

Truth be told, Abed is kind of a slut.

  
  


-1.

You can spend all the time you want mixing a fancy aphrodisiac cocktail, but all Abed needs is a few shots and he thinks he gets the same effect.

That’s why it only took a couple of hours after Jeff arrived at his dorm for the two to be all over each other.

The original plan was to fake a drunk dial to Britta. Abed knew how to direct, obviously, so directing Jeff’s message should have been easy enough. He just didn’t count on Jeff being such a _bad_ actor.

The solution, of course, was to get actually drunk to actually give Britta a drunk message. After all, De Niro drank with Scorsese.

There was a dance party, some pizza, a dance party with the pizza guy, and a lot more shots before the unanticipated main event of the night.

“Fuck, Abed,” Jeff groaned as his back hit the post of the wooden bunk bed in Abed’s room. Abed’s mouth was fierce and hot against his own. The whiskey clouded both of their minds--sensation was the only thing that either could register. “Jesus.”

Abed’s hands blocked Jeff in on either side of his head, grabbing onto the base of the top bunk. His leg shoved roughly between Jeff’s, eliciting a sharp groan from the both of them. The jeans rubbing against jeans created a heavy friction on their covered dicks, not the smoothest, but neither complained in their alcohol-induced fog.

Abed hadn’t been this drunk in a very long time, but he was definitely pleased with the outcome. Please don’t misunderstand, Abed wasn’t that attracted to Jeff. He could appreciate his body and hair from a purely aesthetic point of view, but he had no intention of dating him, and having sex with him hadn’t even crossed his mind before tonight. That being said, he was definitely enjoying himself in the moment.

The two of them woke up in the morning half-clothed and strewn about the room. Abed was in a drawer. Neither of them remembered the night too clearly, neither of them even knew whether or not they had actually accomplished their goal of drunk-dialing Britta, but the scratches down Abed’s back and the dark purple bruises on Jeff’s neck spoke for themselves.

A few weeks later, the study group takes it upon themselves to set Abed up with a girl, Jenny Adams, who drew him in her textbook. Abed’s so happy to help them feel proud that he doesn’t tell them that he already slept with Jenny, and with her boyfriend (who he looks suspiciously similar to). He also doesn’t tell them that he knows exactly why Jeff refuses to get in on the “help Abed get a girl because this might be his only chance” project. He doesn’t tell them why Jeff already _knows_ that’s a lie.

  
  


-2. 

It wasn’t very often that Abed spent time alone with Shirley. They just didn’t have that much in common, didn’t have much to talk about. That’s why it was weird when they found themselves the only two at study group one day. 

As it turns out, Jeff, Troy, and Pierce were off dealing with some sort of secret trampoline and Britta and Annie were so shaken up by their previous bitchiness that they decided to go home to nap.

“Shirley, are you OK?” Abed asked, after the two sat quietly studying for a bit. He wasn’t the best at discerning body language or facial expression, but he spent enough time observing his friends to learn their tells, and it was obvious that she was uncomfortable. He just couldn’t tell why.

She sighs. “Yes, Abed,” she lilts, “I’m OK.”

“No you’re not. I was asking as a formality, but I know you’re not OK. I was more implying that I want to know _why_ you’re not OK.”

She sighs again, sounding sad. “It’s just… I was so rude today to all of those girls. And I’ve been aching all week. I’ve been nauseous in the mornings and everything is so uncomfortable.” Abed narrows his eyes, familiar with the signs of pregnancy, although he admits to himself that he’s no expert (Abed’s never been pregnant himself) and files that away for a later day. She adds quietly, “Everything’s just been so stressful lately. I miss Andre.”

Abed considers thoughtfully for a moment. “Do you want me to help you destress?”

“What?”

He slips a bit of Don Draper into his voice, “I can help you relax.”

“Abed! H-how could you--” She gasps, blushing dark.

“Don’t worry, there’s no pressure, just thought I’d offer if you wanted.”

Shirley’s quiet for a moment, and Abed takes that as a rejection. He shrugs and looks back at his laptop where his current video project lies open in Adobe Premiere.

“Abed, I… You know how I feel about… sexual relations outside of marriage.”

“Yes, I know. I was thinking more of a ‘my mouth/your nethers’ kind of deal.”

She gapes, looking back and forth quickly. They settle into a silence afterward. Abed can tell Shirley is tense, but he’s not going to push it even if he knows it would help. Scientifically.

It’s only 17 minutes later that Shirley starts carefully packing her books back into her bag. Abed opens his mouth to speak, brows furrowed in confusion, but she cuts him off with a finger.

“Abed,” she clears her throat, hands folded on the table, “I was wondering if you were still… offering… that service you mentioned earlier?”

He smiles, Don Draper coming back to the front. “Lie on the table.”

She does, shaking a little, yet smiling nervously. 

“Tell me if you want to stop,” he adds seriously, waiting for her small affirmation before standing up and diving under her skirt.

“No one is to ever hear about-- Oh! _oh_.”

Later, when Shirley is forced to reveal her racist pregnancy test to the group, Abed pretends like he had no idea. And even later, when she’s giving birth in their anthropology classroom, Abed holds back a smirk when Shirley won’t let him deliver the baby. He thinks he knows why she’s blushing so hard when she says it.

  
  


-3. 

Abed’s the last one at the biology table, sharpening his pencil before putting it back in his bag, but when he looks up, Britta and Annie are standing there waiting for him. Everyone else had left the room already, so it was just the three of them. Abed waited, looking back and forth between them from his seat.

Annie cleared her throat lightly. “Abed?”

“Yes.”

“We were wondering if we could ask you something.” He doesn’t think he’d ever seen Annie blush this hard before. She was stuttering over her words and speaking at almost a whisper.

Britta rolled her eyes and grabbed Annie’s hand, interlocking their fingers and squeezing to comfort her. “We know you slept with Jeff,” she states.

“Yes.” Britta nods firmly, clearing vamping herself up for something.

“We wanted to know if you would have sex with us too.”

Abed’s eyebrows rocketed upward, staring at them in shock. Annie and Britta had been dating for about six months, having gotten together the summer after their last paintball adventure. “Like.. together?”

Annie steeled herself and nodded.

Well… Abed couldn’t see why not.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.” Abed stands up, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder.

“When?”

“Tonight. Britta’s apartment. Text me when you’re ready.” He shoots finger guns at them with a _pew pew_ and an eyebrow waggle and leaves the room. This should be fun.

_from: Chandler (Annie)_

_8:03 pm_

Hey abed! are you still ok with this ?

_from: Phoebe (Abed)_

_8:03 pm_

Absolutely. Should I come over now?

_from: Chandler (Annie)_

_8:04 pm_

Yes!!!!!!!!!!

Also.. um

Do you think you could bring the han solo vest ?

_from: Phoebe (Abed)_

_8:06 pm_

Got it. On my way.

Abed gives himself a moment in front of Britta’s apartment door to get into character. He knew Annie had a thing for him when he was playing Han during paintball, but, if he’s honest, he didn’t see it ever coming up again. He was surprised when she asked him to bring the vest, but he supposes no less surprising than when she and Britta asked him to come over in the first place. Plus this clarified that they only wanted to have sex with him. He loves them both dearly as friends, but he had no interest in joining their relationship. 

This was much better. And much more fun.

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts and rolls back his shoulders before knocking on the door. The two girls open it together immediately as if they were waiting behind it.

He smirks, “Hey dolls. Miss me?”

  
  


-4.

Abed couldn’t believe he didn’t recognize Karl to be DoktorBlitz earlier. Not only had they been playing Spawncraft together for years, he had even saved Spacetimer8032’s life. In order to repay him, Abed added him on Skype and the two of them, well, let’s just say _pleasured themselves together_. 

Ever since that night, the two of them had been hooking up over Skype every few months, every time something big happened in game that they needed to celebrate. They never showed their faces, and they never did much talking, but still, Abed thought he maybe should have picked up on it before just now.

Abed introduced himself at Karl’s locker, finding the shocked look on his face kind of funny. But when Karl gripped his arm in their trademark Atlantic Guild handshake, Abed slipped a piece of paper into his hand.

_Karl - meet me at my apartment tonight. 9 pm. Let’s... talk_

He included his address and phone number underneath the message. He saw a recognition flicker into Karl’s eyes when he felt the piece of paper land in the palm of his hand, and the two nodded at each other as they quickly said goodbye.

He knew the apartment would be empty today. Troy and Britta were going on a date (ever since Annie and Britta decided to have an open relationship, Troy and Britta had a thing going on). and Annie was at Shirley’s house babysitting for the night. 

Abed wanted to fuck. This was his chance.

Karl arrived at 8:56 and Abed let him in quickly. 

“ _Hallo_ , Abed.”

“Karl.”

It was only a matter of seconds before they were on top of each other, Abed pressing Karl back against the door, their lips smacking loudly against each other. 

“You know,” Abed says between kisses, “my mom was from Szczecin, in Poland. She used to tell me all about her trips to Germany.”

“Oh, _ja_?” Karl replies, in one-third English, one-third German, one-third moan. “Poland is very beautiful.”

Abed pulls back and gestures toward the blanket fort behind them. “Shall we?”

Karl surges forward for another kiss.

_See_ , Abed thought to himself _, maybe being alone in the apartment isn’t really so terrible_.

  
  


-5.

Rachel was amazing. She was Abed’s first real girlfriend, and one of the only people who really tried to understand him after Troy left. He poured everything he had into the relationship, dumping all of his emotion and loneliness from his best friend’s absence into this one project. 

Their relationship was 12 times as efficient as a normal one. He originally said 10 times, but Rachel countered with 15, and they decided to compromise. 

They were great at communication, great at understanding, great at knowing when each other needed time or space. And, of course, the sex was great.

She was like a superhero the way she was always energized and ready for another round. Maybe Wonder Woman, or the Wasp? Someone like that, a strong female superhero.

Abed really, really liked her. But something was wrong.

He knows what’s wrong, of course he knows, how could he not.

Rachel was great, but she wasn’t…

She wasn’t Troy.

He made a point to ignore this very fact, because Rachel really was great and he really wanted the relationship to work. He ignored the voice in his head that told him _if Troy ever comes back, you’d drop her in a heartbeat._

Clone Abed was better at that than Original Abed was. Original Abed had successfully kept his feelings a secret since season one, but he was never able to actually start a relationship.

It was just that it was the exact one year anniversary of Troy leaving. It was hard. Clone Abed’s battery was running low.

Coincidentally, it was also his and Rachel’s 10 year anniversary. (It was actually 10 months, but they’re just too efficient).

They had plans to go to dinner and then go back to 303 to watch a movie while Annie was at Britta’s to give them some space. But all Abed could think about during dinner was _this was where me and Troy dined and ditched_ and all he could think about during the movie was _Troy always laughed at that line and Rachel doesn’t understand it_. His breathing started to thin and the lights suddenly felt a bit too bright, but he pushed it away. He didn’t want to ruin this night for her, for them.

So when they moved to his bed ( _this used to be Troy’s room_ ) and she laid down on top of him to kiss him gently ( _Troy used to lay his head on my chest there_ ), he tried tried tried so hard to keep it going, to make her feel good, because she deserved it so much.

But it was just too much. The light through his eyelids that he couldn’t escape. The fabric of his shirt rubbing against his skin, the fabric of _her shirt_ as she took it off. The wrinkles in the sheets, the humming of the radiator, the scent of her perfume, her hair on his neck, her hand reaching further south, and he’s pulling away from her, pressing against the headboard and shoving his knees to his chest. His hands come up to cover his ears and his eyes press into his knees until he’s seeing spots but he can’t stop rocking and he faintly registers a high pitched scream that Original Abed tells him is himself but Clone Abed can’t figure out.

Everything was too much.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I still love him.”

Rachel puts him back together, and they talk, and she leaves, and Abed doesn’t see her again.

  
  


0.

Troy comes back on a Wednesday. Abed knows this specifically because he’s supposed to go in to the studio from 6 am to 8 pm on Wednesdays, and he wasn’t able to get the day off because Troy hadn’t given them enough notice.

Troy comes back on a Wednesday and Abed’s stuck at the studio while he knows the rest of the group is picking Troy up at the dock in Ventura, the first time he’s been on US soil in almost 4 years. They’re going to pick him up and then bring him back to Abed’s small one bedroom apartment in downtown LA to catch up before Abed gets off work and can meet them.

Abed knows he only has a few hours left, but he can’t focus on anything.

━━━━━

Jeff, Britta, Annie, Shirley, and Troy sat in Abed’s apartment. There was wine and nacho dip and cola and bruschetta; the perfect mix of college days and adult life.

Annie was practically sitting on Troy’s lap, she was so close, her far hand extended to hold Britta’s. Troy was laughing, smiling bigger than he had in almost a year.

The trip was amazing and fun and he wouldn’t have traded it for the world, but there was something so nice about being home.

The group sat around catching up, sharing stories from their various escapades around the country and around the world while Troy had been gone.

“Abed said he’ll be back in 45 minutes,” Jeff announced after checking his phone. “He’s leaving the studio now.” He clapped Troy on the shoulder, “Ready?”

Troy felt himself practically vibrating. He threw back the rest of his wine and smiled wide. _His Abed was on his way_ . Troy’s trip was full of fun new places and great new experiences, but the real benefit had come from finally getting to realize himself and be truthful about who he really was. About who he really _loved_ , because Troy was in love with Abed, and had been forever, even if he only realized it floating off the coast of Madagascar.

“Speaking of Abed, remember that girl Abed dated at Greendale?” Britta slurred. She hadn’t had enough wine to become drunk, but she was definitely feeling floaty. “How long did that last?”

“Wait, who?” Troy still had a lot of catching up to do on the four years that he missed of his friends' lives, but he wasn’t expecting to come back to hear that Abed had a girlfriend.

Annie patted his leg, “Rachel. She and Abed dated for about 10 months after you left.” Troy sighed in relief, at least it was a long time ago.

“Yeah! Yeah, Rachel. Why did they break up? They were sooo cute together, Troy.”

Jeff snorted, “well we know it certainly wasn’t because of the sex.” Britta chuckled and they both stretched to high five from Jeff’s chair from Britta’s spot on the couch.

Troy furrowed his eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

Annie blushed pink and hit Jeff on the shoulder, “ _Shh._ ”

“What does _that_ mean?” Troy was growing more confused by the minute.

Jeff chimed back in from his spot laying sideways on the armchair, “I mean, you know how great he is at sex.” 

Troy’s eyebrows got tighter and his eyes widened. “I need someone to explain right now what you all are talking about.”

Suddenly it was everyone else’s turn to look shocked. Annie sat back down next to Troy gently, looking him in the eye. “We just figured since we’ve all had sex with Abed that--”

“You’ve _all_ had _sex_ with _Abed_?”

  
  


+1.

After a very emotional reunion and sending off the rest of the group to their hotel, Abed settled into bed next to Troy. He had set aside blankets and a pillow so that he could sleep on the couch in case Troy didn’t want to share a bed with him after all these years, but Troy asked to cuddle, so what was he gonna do? Say no? Ridiculous.

His green spaceship pajamas had long since been donated. Back before he knew Troy was going to come back, they hurt too much to look at. He had mostly switched over to the boxer-tshirt combination anyway, so it wasn’t a terrible loss. It wasn’t a total loss, though, since Troy admitted the extra weight he put on made his own orange and blue pajamas too tight to fit. He had given them to a kid he met in India.

They fell into each other like no time had passed, Troy’s head on Abed’s chest and Abed’s arms wrapped tightly around Troy. They lay there, breathing, feeling each other in silence for a few minutes before Troy spoke.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Did you really have sex with everyone in the study group?” Troy leaned up on one elbow to stare down at Abed. He had a short beard now, and Abed couldn’t help but stare at it.

“No.” Abed replied after a moment, “I never had sex with Pierce.”

“Pierce doesn’t count.”

“Oh. Then yes.”

Troy bit his lip and looked deep in thought, as if convincing himself to continue speaking. “Why…” he stops and tries again, voice coming out as little more than a whisper, “Why didn’t you have sex with me?”

Abed’s eyes scanned his face, trying to pick up on any signs of emotion he could read, but it had been too long, and he’d forgotten the small quirks of Troy’s face that he had once been able to read so well. “I assumed you wouldn’t want to.”

“So you assumed that _Shirley_ would, but _I_ wouldn’t?”

“It’s not that simple.” Abed sat up, effectively letting Troy fall onto the other side of the bed. He just got Troy back, he wasn’t going to ruin it by confessing his love right here on the first night.

“Explain it to me. Please, you have to explain it to me.” His voice was getting more and more desperate. He may not be able to read the small signs on Troy’s face anymore, but the break in his voice awakened a deep memory in his head of Troy about to cry. Troy had a hard time understanding things sometimes, so they had long since worked out how to best help him understand things. It was a trade they had, Troy would help him understand people’s emotions and Abed would help him understand complex situations.

Friends don’t lie.

“I… I never asked if you wanted to have sex because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

Troy was silent. Abed refused to look at him. He continued speaking.

“I was too in love with you. I offered sex to the other members of the study group because I was detached from it. I knew I could help them out and do it well, but with you… With you I didn’t want just one night of sex to never mention again. I wanted to date you, to kiss you all the time. I was too in love with you. I-I still am too in love with you. I couldn’t do that to myself.”

“Abed.” Abed didn’t respond, didn’t look. He felt Troy’s hand on his arm turning him around until they were face to face. He looked into Troy’s eyes and swallowed. They were wet, and his lip quivered as he let out a wet noise. Abed couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or a sob.

Troy moved his hands up from Abed’s arms to his face, cradling his jaw and looking deep into his scared eyes. “Abed.” Troy leaned in and kissed him slowly, his tears leaving wet spots on Abed’s cheeks.

It only took a breath for Abed to respond, kissing back with all the love he had kept hidden for, god, nine years. He twisted around so he wasn’t at such an uncomfortable angle and wrapped his arms around Troy’s waist, kissing him even more deeply than before.

They pull apart, breathing heavily. Abed forced out, “I need you to explain what’s happening.”

“I love you, Abed.” Troy whispered, his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. “I love you so much, I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it while we were still at Greendale.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m sure in another timeline we’ve been together for years.”

Troy lets out a wet laugh and buries his face in Abed’s neck. They lay together for a moment before Troy starts kissing up his throat, drawing a whine out of Abed.

“So you didn’t get to fuck me in college… how would you feel about fucking me right now?”

Abed smirks. 

That can be arranged.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you sm for reading!!!! I hope you enjoyed it, I had a lot of fun writing it.  
> Follow me on twitter @TROBEDDISON for even more hilarious and wacky content


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